And a projection for a nose:
But still she was hot to all the guys,
Or so the story goes:
In Sunday mass she'd strike a toke,
And then she'd get really dumb:
Always the butt of a funny joke,
And always leaving crumbs:
But if you ask, "what girl is this?"
For this I have no answer,
She shakes around her dwarfish fist:
And sticks around like cancer,
But what is this bully to do
When all she has to tease, is you.
I chose the Shakespearean sonnet because I like the flow and beat of it. I don't know how it complements the image or idea; I guess it is all encompassing. I didn't stray from the form, I kept the ababcdcdefefgg format.
Nicely done, Sydney. There are some really great images here--the salmon girl/slanting eyes/projection for a nose. The dwarfish fist. The rhythm generally works nicely (I'd suggest changing "really" to "real", however). I think the lines that need work are the ones that are somewhat vague, where the "action" of the poem is taking place. I don't understand why the setting for her flirtations are at Sunday Mass or how/why she's become a bully. Also, lines like "or so the story goes," feel a tad trite. You want to make good use of every single line. Every word counts. And, so, you want to save your words for vivid description and action.
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